Creating Margin

How much margin do you put in your paper? For some it may be .5" so that you can cram everything you want into one page. Others may prefer a 1" margin for a clean look.

A while back, I wrote a post on Intentional Living and Leading. I wanted to follow up that post with this one on Creating Margin. Margin is a pre-cursor to becoming more intentional. I would venture to say that the average family attempts to live with a .5" margin in their weekly schedule as they attempt to jam as much as possible.

Less margin equals busyness. What does more busyness equal? Lack of family time? Building relationships? Getting to spend more quality time together. I love playing family games and going on bike rides with my family. They are important to me. Therefore, I have spent the last couple of years attempting to create more margin into our family schedules. We are not perfect. There are plenty of weeks where I feel like a slave to the schedule.

Creating margin is hard. It means saying no, more than yes. It means saying no to some very good things – church, school, sports, community, etc. The trade off comes when you can say yes to the best things –your spouse, each individual kid, family, and close friends.

Relationships are important. Relationships are the best thing we have in life. Relationships are usually relegated to the margins of life. How are you going to create more margin?

My Funeral

A few weeks ago I ran the sound for the funeral of a man from our church. His name was George and George was a great guy. Many stories were shared about George and his passions, favorite hobbies, and family. It got me wondering what my funeral is going to be like when I pass away. I thought about which stories my family would share. I imagined what the mood would be – festive or somber? I wondered what memories have been formed by people about me that would be shared?

How often do we think about the end? Chances are not much. We get caught up in the day to day grind of work, family, and life in general. For those that read "7 Habits" by Stephen Covey, you will remember that Habit #2 is to begin with the end in mind. Why is this important?
If we can identify what is important to us at the end of our time on earth, then we have uncovered those things that we should be working for in our day to day life. If I want my wife and kids to have great memories of me, then I better be proactive in creating great memories.
How do we get started? What questions do we need to answer? Begin by planning your funeral now! Meet with your pastor or a funeral director and begin planning your funeral immediately. This simple exercise will force you to think about the end of your life. Here are some reasons why this is important:

1. The number one reason is too alleviate the burden from your wife and kids during their grieving process.
2. What mile markers can be shared in your obituary? Are they positive? Negative? As long as you are alive you have the opportunity to create them. Mile markers are significant events that happened in your life.
3. What memories do you what your family and friends to have? If you struggle with this then your family and friends probably will too. Begin to plan "memory making events" with your family. Plan trips, take pictures, play together as a family, etc.
4. Who will participate in your funeral? If these people are going to be communicating your life to others, then you better be close to them now!

After you plan your funeral, continue to update it as you get older. Depending on your age you may want to revisit it every 5-10 years and for some even more frequently.
Question: "How do you want to be remembered and what are you going to do about it?"

What can you not NOT do?

No, it is not a typo, but an actual question that was posed to me about a year ago. A year later and I am still fine tuning my answer. It is a question that gets at the heart of who you are as a person, employee, spouse, parent, and friend. There are several questions that must be answered as you search for the answer to the main question:

• What can I not NOT do & still be myself?
  
• Who am I and what am I about regardless of my context?
  
• What do I always have to be doing?
  
• What end do I have in mind?
  

I think this last questions sums it up nicely. I attended a funeral for a man named George. George was a great person in our church and made a great impact on people. It was very clear what George could not NOT do as the speakers began to describe the type of person George was.

One way to sum up this question is to think about your funeral. What do you want people to say about you when you pass on from this world? How do you want to be remembered? What is the lasting impression you want to make after you are gone?

I also encourage you to dig deep. Don't accept your first answer. If you answer "I cannot NOT be a good dad." Then I would challenge you to define what it means to be a good dad. And which of those "good dad" principles can overlap into other areas of your life such as your spouse, co-workers, friends, etc.

As for me? I am still landing on an answer, but it has to do with helping people to identify their purpose and calling in life to influence and impact others. There are many forms this will take as it depends on the context and circumstances. As a dad, I want to show my kids who they can become and how to become that person. As a pastor, I want to show people the impact they can make on the people around them. As a coach, I want to show my players how good they are and how hard you have to work.

Question: What can you not NOT do?

A Rocky Road to Leadership (& Manhood)

Q: When does a boy become a man? Most will answer that it happens when he is married or has kids. I will argue that there are a lot of husbands and fathers who act nothing like a man!

Q: When does a follower become a leader? Most will answer that this takes place when they step into a position of authority, such as a manager, CEO, pastor, teacher, etc. I will argue that there are many in an authority position who do not lead well!

I chose these two roles, one, because they encompass who I am. And two, because these roles, more than any other in our culture, are abused. My goal in this post is not to define them. (I will save that for a later post.) Instead, it is important to understand how a man and leader can grow into these roles. There are two practical ingredients that are necessary for a boy to become a man, and a follower to become a leader. They are process & validation.

The Process

One does not wake up one day and instantly finds himself in the fraternity of men. Nor, does a follower turn into a leader overnight. There is a process that must take place. If the process is missing and these roles are forced on someone – they will fail and fail miserably!

There are three necessary elements in the process:

• Model. A boy and a follower must have a healthy model. This will enable them to see what the outcome will look like and give them a framework to think, act, and practice within.
• Education. There has to be information passed on from the teacher (the person modeling) to the student. There has to be a dialogue that takes place - a two way conversation. This ensures that the student understands, processes, and applies the information and knowledge that is given.
• Practice. This is done in a safe environment at first. One in which the can begin to feel the weight and burden of manhood or leadership, but with a safety net close by. As the student becomes more and more confident in their practice with the teacher, they will soon be released to practice by themselves.

Validation

At some point during the process the boy and follower have to be validated. This validation must be external. (Thus the need for a model, teacher, mentor, etc.) I am not a man until someone sees me as a man. Likewise, I am not a leader until someone has entrusted me as their leader.

It is vital that once validated, the man and leader continue on in the process. Both in learning from others as well as teaching others what they have learned. The work of a man never ends. And there will always be a need for leaders. Once we stop leading, the followers will go elsewhere!

Questions:

• What other roles in life require a process and validation?
• What process did you have in becoming a man or a leader?
• Who are you modeling manhood or leadership to?

Intentional Living and Leading

Are you proactive or reactive? Are you a victim of your own circumstances? Is your life full of good intentions? I think you get the idea. There are many things grabbing for our attention these days. Many are good, but most will distract us from the important things in life.

What dreams do you have for your career, kids, hobbies? Chances are your dreams are not going to come true unless you are working towards them. They don't even have to be big dreams. Want to take a vacation somewhere? Finish a project around the house? How about spend more time with your kids? Nothing happens by accident. To take control of your life, you must become intentional about the choices and directions you make. Here are some steps you can take to get started.

1. Think small steps that are easier to achieve. It's tempting to get excited about big dreams, but start small and work your way up. Allow goals to become a part of your life.
2. List 3 areas of your life you want to control. Here are some ideas to get you started: career, family, physical fitness, relational, spiritual, housework, education (this doesn’t specifically mean academics).
3. For each of the 3 areas write down every step, or initiative, you will need to take in order to accomplish your goals.
4. Put a deadline on the first initiative for each area. Once that is accomplished, add a deadline to the next until the goal is accomplished.

Question: What areas do you need to become more intentional?

Strategic Promptings

"That will never work!" or "What are you thinking?" Have you heard those words as feedback when presenting an idea? Or maybe its the nonverbal cues that cause you to think you are crazy. When we come up with out-of-the-box ideas coupled with a "vision from God" - how do you know when to move on it or even how to move on it?

Too often we set out believing that if God is in this then He will provide everything I need. While this is true, I believe we need to be both strategic in our planning, and discerning with our promptings. God prompts us, no doubt, but most often our first "big idea" is our own idea. When we feel a prompting from God, it doesn’t necessarily mean we jump in and start. I suggest you take yourself through a series of exercises. Don't hurry the process. If its truly from God, and you are humble, then He will make sure the vision carries.

Here are a few suggestions:

1. Write everything (thoughts, prayers, conversations, pictures, quotes, research, etc.) down.
   
2. Ask lots of questions.
   
3. Answer (hard) Questions (What is the problem?, Why you?, Why now?)

Simple enough? Wait till you begin to walk it out. The pressure will be on to do something before someone else does. I have gone through a few Strategic Promptings and it almost always looks different in the end than what I came up with in the beginning. Why? Because I didn't see the whole picture. Allow God to put the pieces together.

Question: How has God changed your vision into His vision?

Journey Experiences

I picked up Bill Hybels' book Axiom.
It is a great resource! The entire book is filled with insights on life and leadership. Its as though you are sitting across from his desk as he shares years of insight. In no way, shape, or form do I think I have the experience or intelligence to offer what Bill Hybels has offered. But it has caused me to think about my own experiences in life, especially through the framework of Leadership and Servant-hood. So, over the next few weeks I will be sharing my own Axioms, which I have entitled Journey Experiences!